to claim, to love

 

In Memoriam 

Zayd Abdullahi Adem (2020-2025)

In loving memory, life will never be the same without you Edo mcn. 

My first baby, my love. Forever and always yours. 

I remember there was a reflection I had written on Gish Jen's "Who's Irish?" 

In the story, an elderly Chinese immigrant grandmother is dealing with language/cultural barriers as she clashed with her Americanized daughter Natalie on how to raise her daughter. I noticed something interesting about the language the grandmother would use when referring to her daughter. She would refer to her always as "my daughter" in stark contrast to her strict use of first name (Sophie) when referring to her own granddaughter.  

We claim whom we love and what we love as ours. I think there is a steady core part of our hearts that we reserve for the people we truly love. And it's this steady core part that remains largely preserved in the face of life's challenges; so it makes sense then that this love stands the test of time, imperfections, short comings. It makes sense that it's a love that seeks to give, even when we feel our own cups are running dry.

This year was truly the most significant year of my life. I remember waking up the day after Zayd passed (10/7) and crying so hard, even breathing felt difficult and painful. I never thought I'd live life without having our little prince there experiencing every stage and season with us. 

Our Zayd. My Zayd. Zaydunaa.

You truly grew into your name. You were an abundance in our lives; truly you filled our lives with love and light Edo mcn. You were so loved and celebrated every moment, and I know you felt it. I see it in your smile when I scroll through the photos and videos. You had the most beautiful smile, the most beautiful eyes, your heart and soul so pure and kind- you were sent to us directly from Jannah. 

Your departure was the most painful loss in our lives. We know you are better cared for and loved by Allah (swt) where you're at now Edo. Thank you for teaching me how to love purely and unconditionally. 

poem I wrote on Zayd's first birthday 

You'll always be in my heart Zayduna. Alhamdulilah who gives and takes in turn. He has blessed me with what I couldn't have envisioned for myself; beautiful, kind people who love me for me Edo. I wish you could meet one individual in particular. They know of you; I always speak to them about you. Every one who knows me well enough knew how much you meant to me Edo mcn. And even now I carry your frame on my bottle, on the corner of my laptop, as my screensaver. I carry you in my heart always.